Title
The History of the Pocket
Written
August 2006
Inspiration
The Spanish, who have, at various times throughout history, flirted with the concept of the pocket
Dedication
To carpet burn, for reminding me that I'm still alive
Style
Sheep poo-esque
Target Audience
Struggling teenage students of history, who have been lied to about the true beginnings of the pocket for years by their teachers
Editorial Notes
The history of the punch bowl is even more interesting
The History of the Pocket
From its role as a utilitarian device to a central plot driver in fantasy literature (“what has it got in its pocketses?”), the history of the pocket is as colourful as it is interesting.
Like all good inventions, the creator of the pocket stumbled onto it by accident [1].
In ancient Babylonia, pockets weren't even a gleam in the local seamstress' eye.
One day, a humble shepherd, cast out of his village due to his rancid smell, happened upon a sheep dropping that had an exceptional likeness to David Schwimmer. Since the shepherd had already found two other droppings that looked like David Schwimmer, his hands were full.
The shepherd folded over a flap on his robe and glued the seem down with more sheep poo that didn't look like David Schwimmer (which was somewhat challenging to find in ancient Babylonia).
Thus the pocket was born.
The invention would have spread like wildfire, except that the shepherd stank of sheep's poo so badly that he died alone with the herds.
It took members of the British Foundation for Archaeology and Grave Robbing in 1945 to unearth the remains of the shepherd and rediscover his invention. The archaeologists were ecstatic — now they would have somewhere to put their grave robbing tools.
Since then the pocket has spread worldwide, including to some rare parts of inner London, where the locals usually “don't go in for crass foreign trends”.