What Have the French Given Us?

People from France have a reputation for being arrogant whiners who hate anyone who doesn't speak their language, even other French speakers.

I don't know any French people so I can't say if they're arrogant or not. I can take an objective look at what they've done for the world's culture and history.

And, quite frankly, it's not much.

Sure, they gave us the Olympic Games, sauerkraut and the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but that's about it. It's a tower built poorly on shitty soil and it half fell over. What's so good about that?

When you compare that with Australia's contribution to the world, it appears we should be the arrogant ones.

We've produced the hat with dangling corks, that essential item of footwear the thong (not to be confused with the skimpy variety of underwear of the same name) and Ken Done.

Actually, I think a New Zealander might have invented the thong, but we steal all their shit anyway so it doesn't matter. They lost all their patent laws after someone invented the “chilly bin” and their government decided that nothing else would ever better it.

Ken Done (Done as in “disown” rather than done as in “dinner”) is a national treasure. His contribution to art and tropical shirt-wear is unparalleled. Here is an artist's impression of what the next Ken Done Masterpiece might look like.