Pie Floaters are Alien Lifeforms
It seems innocuous enough, the humble meat pie floating in a bed of bright green pea soup. The pie floater is the staple diet of many unsuspecting tiers of our society.
You only need to look at a pie floater to know that it is something weird, unusual, and will potentially infect you with alien brain parasites.
Once you eat a pie floater, the parasites ingratiate themselves into your brain. First they pretend to be digested along with the inert pea soup (which is the alien’s mucous). However, once in the colon, they bore through the intestinal lining and hitch a ride in the bloodstream to the brain.
When lodged in the brain they begin to supplant higher brain function with their own instructions. They start neuron cloning factories to supplant normal neuron interaction.
This usually begins with inducing cravings for more pie floaters, so that more of their kind will be ingested. A craving for beer is also not uncommon.
A human fully under the control of the pie floater parasite (around 50% of more neurons supplanted) will then carry out the alien’s instructions without question.
As yet, my extensive experiments into the aliens have failed to uncover their full plan. But I’m convinced that it is diabolical and involves their mucous flooding the world in some way.
The only known antidote for a pie floater parasite infestation is a good late night take away curry (must be eaten after midnight).
The distance between availability of a late night curry is inversely proportional to local alien brain parasite infestation (picture courtesy of some guy called Henry Bottomley on wikipedia)
However, since the social strata of the pie floater and the takeaway curry rarely coincide (physical violence has been known to erupt between the segregated camps), infestation has become endemic. The next time you feel like a pie floater, ask yourself: “Do I really want this, or am I being commanded to eat it by a bunch of evil alien parasites?”