No I Will Not Read Your Blog

In response to my heartfelt, concise and intuitive article last year on Michael Buble, I received this bizarre email:

From: Novak Hunter [xxxxxx@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, 9 August 2006 7:04 AM
To: thegoat@adam.com.au
Subject: Buble

Dear Adam,

I just came across your website. I'm not a fan of you or your work - I have no time for trivial, meaningless writings - but I noticed your remarks on Michael Buble.

I feel compelled to share a story. Follow this link to my blog and read of my painful tale.

[Snip stupid livejournal link, just so no one is tempted to clicky]

Yours in hatred of Canada and it's filthy rat-pack aping offspring,

Ajax.

There are so many things wrong with this it left me confused and stupider. With all their elves and cute little furry bears and whatnot, how could anyone hate Canada? Who makes an unveiled insult when requesting that someone checks out their website? Who is Michael Buble anyway?

I’ve been holding on to this email for a while, not quite sure how to respond. Finally, I think I’ve worked out a way:

No, I will not read your blog. What do you think I am—an altruist or something? I’m not even going to click on your shithole link because that would make me feel dirty.

I’m sure you’re far more intelligent than I am—your ability to hate everyone in an entire nation means you have a stereotyping skill far in advance of my own.

In closing, if you don’t like reading writing that has no meaning, you’re not going to read very much. Nothing has meaning...except the patterns made with toenail clippings.

I don’t want to trouble you anymore because I’m sure your time is extremely important not only to yourself but also to the future of humanity. Keep on storing all your bodily wastes—one day everyone will want them, since your shit may be the only cure for stupid arsehole disease.