Achieving Your Life Goals

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Despite what everyone else says, you can achieve your life goals.

Even though every cuntsack will try and tell you what you can’t do, they’ll laugh at you behind your back, spit in your coffee and lace the spine of your library books with anthrax—don’t listen to them.

You can achieve your goals.

You can do the life goal equivalent of climbing Mount Everest...unless your goal is to climb Mount Everest, in which case it is unlikely you will succeed.

Realistically, why do people still use climbing Everest as a life goal?

It’s been done so many times before that people make up different categories so they can be the first to do it: first woman, first black woman, first non-English speaking wheelchair-bound bisexual atheist woman...

Unless you suffer from a rare disease that has caused your bones to dissolve and you are now an amorphous blob, don’t bother with the Everest life goal.

The reason everyone you know (and most people you don’t) will poo-poo your life goal is because they have failed over and over again to achieve their own life goals (unless their life goal is to stop you from achieving your life goal, in which case achieving their goal, and thus giving them eternal happiness, it preventing you from achieving your goal).

Because all your friends secretly believe you’re a useless sack of paranoid fish shit, to them you can’t possibly have achieved something they could not.

So go out and attempt to achieve your life goals.

I couldn’t care less what you do. I’m off to train hard and spend thousands of dollars and countless hours in preparation for climbing Mount Everest, purely so I can be “the most well-prepared climber to never attempt to climb Everest”, which is my life goal.