Hold It Against Kelly Clarkson

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I’ve got nothing against Kelly Clarkson, but all her songs sound like demonic attempts to control my actions and get me to do stuff that I don’t want to do.

When I listen to Since You Been Gone, I get the urge to strangle my neighbour’s cat. Was that Kelly’s intention, or is she innocent in this, and my reaction is due to the efforts of devious producers and post-production mixing?

I wasn’t sure until listening to Breakaway had me halfway up the steps of Parliament House ready to lay a stripe at the front door.

Then to top it off, when I heard Behind These Hazel Eyes, I drank a bottle of Jack Daniels. That much alcohol could have wreaked havoc with my heart and brain medication, and I might have died when I started on the second bottle if it wasn’t for the intervention of my gynaecologist.

So I have to hold it against Kelly Clarkson. Her songs let all the demons out.