A Tribute to the Humble Pear
The flesh of the pear—so like human flesh in its juiciness and sweetness, and so much easier to obtain.
If you’re finding the human flesh market too expensive or too difficult to obtain (being the director or chief medical surgeon at a hospital is really the only way to be assured of a consistent supply of flesh), I recommend you try a juicy, fleshy pear.
If you cut a pear in half it will bleed but won’t scream (avoiding annoying neighbours calling the police).
If you bite into a pear in a public place, people won’t scream and call the police, even if the succulent pear juice is dripping down your chin.
The advantages of pear flesh over human flesh sometimes seem insurmountable. It’s so much easier to procure, consume and keep fresh pear flesh (although refrigeration technology has reached some dizzying heights in recent years).
Which one would you rather eat?
Unfortunately, it’s almost effortless to sink your teeth into a hunk of pear flesh. The difficulty involved in obtaining human flesh is undeniably part of our attraction to man meat.
While the pear flesh may be a substitute for human flesh in terms of taste, texture and nutrient content, they are worlds apart when it comes to hunting them down. As we saw in the movie Surviving the Game, it’s much more fun to hunt Ice-T than to pick pears off a tree.