Fifties Suck

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I hate fifty dollar notes.

Before everyone starts murmuring, stamping their feet and coagulating over this moneyist bigotry, let me say that I don’t hate all notes.

Twenty dollar notes tickle my abdomen. I love finding a little five dollar note or two in my dirty socks. And who could knock the mighty (and progressively rarer) hundred dollar note?

But there’s something about the fifty that touches my teeth with a piece of aluminium foil.

I think it’s because the fifty sits rights in the middle of being useful.

The twenty is a practical denomination. Anything you buy costs about twenty bucks. But with a fifty, more than likely the shopkeeper is not going to have enough change, so you’re forced to pay for something with all the five cent coins sewn into the seems of your pants and jacket.

If you’re making a large purchase, hundreds are your logical choice because you need half as many for the same amount as fifties. And hundreds carry this highbrow stigma associated with them, so even if it’s your total cash in the whole world because you just flogged your car, took out a huge loan, or did an insurance job, for a while you can pretend you’re rich.

My dislike of the fifty dollar note carries over to the fifty cent coin. In this case it’s a huge, cumbersome coin with knobbly sides and a negligible silver content.

With a pocket full of fifty cent coins, the only thing that’s likely to happen is to get bruised balls. Say no to fifties.

(Remember, $80 is the most you can take out of an ATM and not get at least one fifty in there).