This is the final update for thegoat at this web address. Due to unforeseen foreseeable circumstances, there is a new URL for this website. Please update your bookmarks, because if you don’t...well, nothing bad will happen. Your life might even become a brighter, more lust-filled place. So don’t update your bookmarks. Anyway, bookmarks are for communists and bovine bestiality enthusiasts. Real internet users type in URLs from memory.

The new website will mirror this one, so none of my best material will be lost (much to the disappointment of contortionists and traditional Italian pasta makers everywhere).

The new site will lose some of the less than pleasant sections, not unlike the great sausage stock shake-up of 1999 meant that certain types of sausage disappeared from the world market.

Staying will be articles and weird crap; going will be stories (moving on to a better place) and the columns Ancient Alfred (due to his untimely demise) and Narcotics Chick (got a better job as a hooker in Coober Pedy).

So long you meddling kids.