I have uncovered the ultimate in conspiracy theories.

There is a conspiracy among all conspiracy theorists (except me now, I guess) to produce as many crackpot conspiracy theories as possible to undermine our confidence in the entire field of conspiracy theorism.

So, as a conspiracy theorist, you might say, “The pharmaceutical industry is nothing more than a bunch of greedy legalised drug pushers”.

Well, not when you also say that Coco Pops are the nurturing place of unborn souls, and every time you eat a bowl of Coco Pops you kill five hundred babies.

Or perhaps, “The oil industry is deliberately holding back alternative energy research to maximise their profits”.

Well, I can’t really believe that when you also say that intelligent insects have our armed forces and police under their direct control through the creation of intoxicating patterns in the dirt, and are breeding a race of über-insect to take over the planet from humanity.

Conspiracy theorism is now so common that it debunks itself. The number of conspiracy theory websites is astonishing (I couldn’t find any to use as an example, but they’re out there, I know it).

If I’m right about this, and conspiracy theorising is just a conspiracy to castigate conspiracy theorism, I can expect a wild ride of ups and down where I burn my house down and need to get rescued from a mental hospital by Julia Roberts.

Man Julia Roberts has got a big mouth.