You are not permitted to view this website if:

• You are unfamiliar with the concept of humour, especially satire.
• You are offended by adult language, opinions, gnomes, the internet, green text, humour, young people, anything, everything, exploratory surgery, pet food, callipers, lewd behaviour, stunts, laughter, pork, porkers, pork pie, porkies, pig related humour, innuendo, laminated magazines, your own genitals, genitals in general, fortified buildings, fortified wine, pluto, collostomy bags, touching, kissing, heavy petting, rooms that charge by the hour, prostitution, christian values, hardcore animal porn, lemmings, puppets, sound, necrophilia, kites, lime clothing, lime cordial, limes, money shots, audio/visual entertainment systems, cloaking devices, appendages, household chemicals, illusion, chrome, pot plants, planted pot, fecundity, sterility, anti-anti behaviour, time dilation, history, back doors, whips, hair, nasal mucous, pastry, doctors and nurses, floppy disks, floppy dicks, cleft palette, downtime, going down, going the growl, chewing charlie, reaping havoc with the gutted rabbit, titillation, protein, foot races, car racing, race in general, taking the piss, imagination, short sentences, virgins, sexually active hobos, donkeys, lights on after 10pm, minorities, majorities, stubble or photography.
• Anyone has ever accused you of being humourless, out of touch, uptight, pasta, close minded, easily aroused, stupid, a folk singer, having a bug up your arse, prescient or God.

If you are not permitted to view this website, rather than reading it, getting offended and complaining, you should close your browser, uninstall it, then contact your ISP and/or systems administrator and discontinue your internet connection.

If you believe anything you find on this website (or on any website), you are more stupid than I thought. You should not use anything on this website as part of a school assignment and/or during dinner conversation.