Yodetta and the Distinctive Language Habit


Detective Samantha Shultz adjusted the light so that it shone in the little green woman’s eyes. “What did you see at the jewellers?”

Yodetta, Sam’s last witness, blinked in the bright light. “See nothing I did.”

Earlier in the day two bandits had cleaned out a local boutique jewellery. All the other witnesses had told vague stories about glowing swords, security guards choking and staff vaguely doing whatever the robbers told them.

“Several people have placed you at the scene. How could you have not seen anything?”

Yodetta wriggled in her seat. “Uncertain am I. Happened so fast it did.”

Sam slammed a pair of fat Yellow Pages down on the interview desk. “Look, if you don’t start talking, I’m going to start punching. And I won’t leave any marks.”

“Something about your aggression you should do. Aggression leads to hate, hate—”

“Cut that shit out.” Sam pulled her pistol from its holster and pointed it at Yodetta’s head. “I’m going to ask you one more time. What happened at the jewellers?”

Yodetta cowered in her seat. “A car I saw. Two men in it there were. A large black helmet one wore.”



Title
Yodetta and the Distinctive Language Habit

Written
October 2004

Inspiration
The Yellow Pages

Dedication
To Donald Trump, because I never watched your TV show

Style
Talky-talky

Target Audience
Workers in Nike’s Asian factories

Editorial Notes
Detectives and telephone books don’t mix

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