God said: ‘I’m bored. Ever since I grew this goatee I’ve had no luck with the babes and Satan has been making a lot more prank calls than normal.’
‘Geez God, you’re not suggesting you’ve turned into a wiener are you?‘ Gabriel said. ‘I mean, you’re the Main Guy. You’ve got the Pope on a Rope. You have to be cool.’
‘Ah, loyal Gabriel,’ God said. ‘If only that were true.’
‘Come on God, where’s all the fire and brimstone stuff gone?’
God shook his head in sorrow and mountains trembled.
Gabriel backed away, head bowed, and sought out the archangel Sean William.
Sean William relaxed on a particularly fluffy beanbag cloud, smoking a bowl of heavenly buds.
‘Our God is an unhappy God,’ Gabriel said.
Sean William took a long toke. The cherry lit up the northern and southern skies as aurora. ‘Dude, he had fun last time he went to Earth in the form of a man. Why can’t he do that again?’
‘Sean William, a holiday, of course.’ Gabriel considered kissing Sean William on the lips, but remembered what happened last time he tried that, so he turned to leave.
‘Dude, where’s my bong?’
Gabriel sighed. ‘In your hand, Sean William.’
‘Oh, right on.’ Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
Gabriel returned to God and made the suggestion. God’s face immediately brightened.
‘God damn it Gabriel, you’re right. This totally makes up for you being the gayest angel in history. But who should I become? Last time all that carpentry was a real pain in the arse. And I think I’m overdue for an image change.’
‘Perhaps something debaucherous, Lord?’ Gabriel suggested. ‘No one would suspect it.’
‘Of course, Gabriel, something close to your heart. I’ll become a porn star. The greatest porn star who ever lived.’
God poked a finger at Gabriel. ‘Look at this finger. It’s gnarled and crooked and as big as two dicks. Gabriel, set an automatic out-of-office reply to all prayers. I’m going to Earth.’
On the way down from heaven, God ran into a plane, causing it to crash. All the occupants were killed. He was too excited to notice.