Damir Dokic, the insane father of ex-tennis star Jelena Dokic, has been out of the mainstream news for a couple of years now.
Frankly, the news since then has been boring and pointless. This article is an attempt to invoke the spirit of Damir’s glory days and glory holes, when he was the centre of attention.
Damir Dokic in his glory days
I’m trying to recapture the meaning and purpose that Damir gave to all our lives. At the same time, it’s a great opportunity to tell some of my all-time favourite jokes. It’s Friday, we’re all at the end of the week and in need of something to cheer us up and prevent us from killing ourselves.
That ‘something’ is being able to say to yourself: “At least I’m not Damir Dokic”. I feel better already. On with the jokes.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Damir.
Damir who?
Damir Dokic.
Damir Dokic walked into a bar.
The bartender said, “What’ll it be?”
Damir said, “I kill you. I kill all of you. Don’t look at my daughter.”
How many Damir’s does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because problems of that magnitude cause him to give up Australian citizenship and return to Serbia-Montenegro (the country formerly known as the former Yugoslavia) where they don’t have light bulbs.
What do you get when you cross Damir Dokic and an elephant?
An elephant with a huge beard who constantly threatens other people at the zoo.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Damir.
Damir who?
Damir infection is affecting my balance.
What happened when Dolly Parton met Damir Dokic?
Dolly: “Oh Damir, you’re just a big cuddly teddy bear.”
Damir: “No. No teddy bear. Harlot. Slut. Stop looking at my daughter.”
How many hippies can camp out overnight in Damir’s beard?
27.
What has Wolverine got to do with Damir? Nothing, but everyone likes seeing a picture of Wolvey
Damir Dokic walked into a bar. Boom boom.
How do you know when Damir Dokic has just left the room?
Everyone else has a slightly bemused but wonderfully contented look on their faces that says the bizarre outburst they just witnessed would never be topped.
The Pope, President Bush and Damir Dokic were stranded in Antarctica.
The Pope said: “I pray for our souls and for the souls of those sent to look for us.”
Bush said: “I only wish I’d spent more on the Search and Rescue budget, and gee Daddy’s gonna laugh his arse off over this.”
Damir looked at the other two and said: “The salmon here is too expensive. This isn’t last year. What are you looking at? I kill you. I kill all of you. Stop looking at my daughter. If she is a lesbian I will kill myself.”