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Insanity is a much maligned and misunderstood affliction. Despite lawyers bitching about how difficult it is to get people off for crimes committed due to insanity, the percentage of the population that is insane has never been greater (placed at 53% in some surveys). One of the first signs of insanity are the over fictionalised “voices in the head”. When you start hearing the voices (and you will hear them — everyone does at some stage in their lives), you need to know what some of the consequences can be. Joan of Arc heard voices and look where that got her — raped, tortured and burnt at the stake by an English priest who looked a lot like Dustin Hoffman. Properly managed though, “the voices” can be a boon rather than a curse. To start with, the voices are usually much more exciting than your regular thoughts. They can help you get through the drollery of your meaningless life. The voices saying, “I think you should take a chainsaw into that old folks home and do some redecorating” is more invigorating than, “I guess I should mow the lawn”. One thing you should never do is try to negotiate with the voices. That only pisses them off. They’ll make you believe you’ve seen god or that you’re attractive and good in bed. Any retaliatory action against your voices always leads to them doing inappropriate or embarrassing actions on your behalf. Listen to your voices. Learn from them. Love them. Always do what they say. If you treat them right, they will treat you right in return.
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