thegoat - scary potter

Episode 1 of 4,369

He was born covered in tattoos and had a pair of two-inch fangs, and so scared his parents that they both dropped dead instantly. When the baby set upon his parent’s bodies and began to devour them, the hospital staff instantly christened him “Scary”.

After that Scary lived with his Aunt and Uncle, chained to a lodestone in the attic. Uncle Buttson charged three pounds fifty for people to come and look at Scary, all the while making sure no one accidentally caught a glimpse of Scary’s “snake”.

When Acrid the Stinky Giant pulled up at Scary’s house and said, “You’re a wizard, Scary”, Scary replied, “You better not be shitting me you smelly cunt or I’ll bite your fucking cock off.”

So Acrid took Scary to wizard school. After meeting everyone, Scary said, “Is it just me, or is everyone’s name here just a piss-poor indication of their nature?”

“It’s just you, Scary,” said the school principal, Professor Longdong.

Two of the students approached Scary.

“Hi, I’m Bong Beasley, the most annoying cunt in school,” the first said. “I can see we’re going to be the best of friends.”

The second was a chick wearing tight lingerie, suspenders attached to her braces. “I’m Hormone Fellatia. If you weren’t so hideously ugly and covered with tattoos Scary, I’d slap it around for you right now.”

Then a third student came up, a blond little piss ant who looked like Adolf Hitler’s sex slave. “I’m Dragon Mouthboy. You don’t scare me, Hairy Trotter.”

Scary realised that this blond prick was going to be his long-term enemy. “You must have me confused with someone else,” Scary said, and bitch-slapped Dragon across the face, then drop kicked him out the window.

Dragon fell a hundred metres and impaled himself on a scale model statue of Professor Longdong’s long dong.

Scary looked down at Mouthboy’s body with contempt. “I kick my enemy’s arses straight away rather than let them hang around for years fucking with my shit”.

Then one of the teachers peeled off his turban and revealed Lord Voluptuous painted on the back of his head. Everyone screamed and ran away except Scary.

“Rah! I am a bad wizard,” Voluptuous said.

Scary laughed. “You think that’s scary. Check this out.” Scary dropped his dacks and mooned Voluptuous. On his arse cheeks several sets of teeth chased each other around, occasionally jumping the O-ring. When one set of teeth bit another, the bitten teeth cried out “Fuck! I’ve been bitten by arse-teeth!”

Voluptuous was so disgusted that he melted.

And that was how Scary Potter came to rule the school.